Life

When I first started using computers, in the early 1980s, when I was around 20 years-old, I didn't know I had any limitations. 

I wasn't interested in programming, not until almost 10 years later, but I  loved using those early computers. Learning all about them. Using word processors, spreadsheets, databases, utilities, 3D modeling and paint programs, and playing video games.

When I did start programming, I didn't run into any issues. Then I got a job in software development, using PCs and Macs instead of Commodore 64s and Amigas, but they didn't present a hurdle. If anything, they seemed inferior to my amazing Amiga!

In the mid-90s, I did start to see some limitations with my programming capabilities, but I just worked around them. I didn't see them as a problem, or as something that would keep me from advancing or doing my job.

More recently, I've realized there are many things that have held me back. Not only my ability to master programming at a high level, but also my inherent disinterest in making that a full-time occupation. And how unwilling I have been to form long lasting bonds with peers, learn the politics of large organizations, all of which would have allowed me to move up the ladder.

Today I know I have many shortcomings. I realize my life is limited in many ways, and even with the things I'm currently interested in, I can only go so far. I can't suddenly become manager material, become a top-flight engineer, or an expert in AI that suddenly causes headhunters to bang on my door.

My life is what it is, for better or worse. I have a good job, get paid pretty well, but now that I'm older, my life is set. I won't suddenly become the CEO of a big company, start my own business, write the next great app, or anything of the sort.

I'll just keep plugging along.